Alas, the Christmas season has arrived. Its been warm and rainy here in Southern Ontario for the last month or so and its been hard to think "Christmasy". In fact, I have ZERO happy spirit this year and will have to fake the entire scene for the benefit of the wee ones (22 and 23 years old). My off spring, such as they are, have always loved Christmas as I have always put so much into it for them. Curses!

I suppose I'll have to buy a tree again, as "whats Christmas without a tree?" And then there is the present shopping, for which I have neither money nor time. Then there is the cooking and the visiting and the fake smiley face and all the lights and music and all the stuff that normmally gets me so pumped. I get it now...all those folks who have traditionally not wanted to do the whole holiday thing were alway such a bummer to me. But this year, I get it!

Personally, I would like to spend a week in a chalet, in front of a fire, sipping expensive drinks and laughing with friends. Better still, I would like to fly to somewhere hot and sunny and sip expensive drinks with friends on the beach.

Ho Hum...guess I'll pull out the twinkly lights now. Toss them around the house and do a bit of much needed vacuuming. Then its off to work at 3pm and home again at 9.
Life goes on.



OKAY....time to fess up! My last 4 posts were a bit of a ruse. I just reread them and decided to come clean. How else are you to believe its the same person doing this blog.

You see,, on October 16th, at 2pm, my beloved best friend had to be allowed to die on the operating table at the vets. After a fucking nightmarish day (from 6am till 1:30pm) we found Snuffy to have a mass on his spleen that had just ruptured.

I won't go into details as I can't do that again, but I have been hollowed out, gutted, suctioned of all my joy. My days, afternoons, evenings and weekends make no sense to me any more and I can't seem to find enjoyment in very much.

I know that this is a process and I am improving as I no longer crash into despair as I was doing, but I'm a long way from feeling RIGHT. Maybe I won't ever feel right again! Missing my buddy every minute of every day has this incredibly draining effect on me and I just feel so tired and unhumorless.

See, this is why I don't want to have Christmas forced on me this year.

The state of my blog is a sign of my life. I seldom get here and it worries me as I feel I am letting people down. Its just that the "actual" flesh and blood types who are IN MY FACE, seem to need so very much of me all the time that I rarely get back to my blog anymore.

This disturbs me more than you could know. I have tried to put life back on a reasonable level lately, as after Snuffy died I just couldn't find the purpose in doing anything at all. I tried to paint and everyones needs just kept getting in the way. I tried to be social but all those rotten pepole didn''t feel empty and hopeless the way I did so I dropped that idea. I tried going out and doing things like dinners and movies but my attention span equalled that of a fly and my constant squirming and running outside for a smoke was annoying.

So....here I am. Back at my blog hoping that I haven't somehow ruined something that used to be so important to me. The numbers tell me that you've all run off to more fun blogging experiences, but I know that the ruination that is my life will encoureage some of you back. After all, if nothing else, your life will look pretty fantastic after reading all about mine!

Beware though. I could surprise you and become witty and entertaining and then you'd feel all angry and jilted. I'll try to maintain my woe-begotten personna so that you all look happier. I'll tell all and then you'll really have to come back just, like a soap opera. You never know what disaster could arrive and if you don't read, you just won't know!

Stay tuned...oh loyal bloggers. I'll try to disappoint!

How easily offended are you? This is a crucial question you need to ask yourself before committing to seeing Borat. Those with a delicate disposition need not bother as they will only feel queezy and shocked and want their money back. I know cuz I watched to see how many people got up to leave and to my amazement, only a few did so.

My take on Borat, such as it is, is that it is f---ing brilliant! Any documentary, film, book, article or photo that make people look really hard at themselves and their notions of others and the world is A VERY VERY GOOD THING!!! And Borat challenges everything ridiculous we accept as true and every notion we have held as correct.

Sacha Cohen, an English Jew, is my favorite new hero! Apart from being funny as hell, he is so brave as to be stupid and throws himself into the fray of any uncomfortable situation AND THEN pushes the limits beyond your imaginings. He tests and tests and humiliates and pokes fun and all the while places himself directly in the line of fire.

I am surprised the guy hasn't been lynched, beaten to a pulp, castrated and burned at the stake. There are certainly enough bigots and small minded folks out there to take umbrage to his antics.

Borat was a side splitting show from start to finish. Don't take your Mum or you Aunt Milly as your relationship will never recover. The Mole, SNAFU and I talked non-stop about what we had just seen for 35 minutes (all they way home) and have since been emailing comments to each other since.

Go on then....do it. Go see Borat and then tell all your friends to see it. Its one of the few movies to be worth the $9 that I've seen in years.

How is it that something that was such a sorce of enjoyment for me has been turned into a dirty little secret that I must slither away to do. That which was an hour of self expression has become a frustrating 5 minutes of "YEAH, I'll be there in a moment. give me a blessed minute will ya?"

My blogging has turned into one more of those things that irritates my family as it requires my attention and therefore means I am NOT ON for them.

I have been feeling a certain Krakatuoa type of explosive impulse lately and I am afraid it will erupt with all the force of a deadly volcanoe if I cannot be left alone.

It began with the death of my Snuffy, my best friend and side kick. I had no idea of the depth of grief I could feel at the loss of my dog. After all, he was a dog, right?
It seems that, despite all my efforts to be adult and mature, I must have been some kind of raving lunatic as my family have not left me alone for 5 minutes. I think they are afraid I will implode or run out to th e park and abduct a neighbors dog. (Not that I haven't thought about it).

Anyhow, I feel like blogging again. However, I cannot find a quiet moment to do it. This post has taken 3 interruptions already and I think I am going to hurt someone.

Just changes my internet provider and TV provider to BELL. I was with Rogers and was entertaining evil thoughts that I cannot reveal here so I thought it better to just change. But now I have a learning curve that I simply don't have time to deal with. IT TOOK ME 35 MINUTES TO PROGRAM MY REMOTE....GODDAM IT!!!! Why does this stuff need to be so comlicated? On ---Off, Volume, Channels, whats so damn hard?

Got to get back to my TV so that I can teach the Mole how to do it when he gets home. The extra holes in the brick wall, the ugly satellite dish and the new remote control will likely push him right over the edge.