Somethings going on with me right now and I can't quite figure it out. See, thats the really cool thing about having your own blog and blog friends who visit you and leave their opinions for you to use or discard. Its a really great way to get the best from peple without hurting anyones feeling or doing something they would disapprove of (cuz they just don't know....right?) So I am going to spill my guts and you can tell me what the hell is up with me...OK?
I think I said before that both my young adult children are again living at home. I thought I was OK with this, but its really wearing me down. It makes me work harder, longer and for little or no benefit. It makes me feel old as all I seem to do is counsel them and remind them of their obligations. I dont want to do this anymore. I am sick of it. I am selfish and want my home, husband, time and space to myself. I dare not reveal this or all hell would break loose. (OH YEAH...no Dr. Philisms, OK? I hear far too many of those from my Mum who watches Phil every day).
I haven't had a vacation for a really long time, I have no time to paint or draw or write as I work 6 days a week and it feels like I'm being held hostage in my own life! Blogging has to be on someone elses time schedule as the PC is reserved for SERIOUS STUFF and as that usually takes place when I have a few extra minutes, I don't get near it. (This is my bedtime but I just had to rant first).
You know what really sucks? Even the things that I used to feel really happy about and pleased to be doing have turned into expectations and chores and it REALLY PISSES ME OFF! Things like gardening, cooking, taking care of my home, my dog, talking to friends, etc.
You may be thinking that therapy is the right course of action but if I had a few extra dollars I'd rather take myself to the BIG SMOKE and spend the day window shopping and having lunch with Cam. Can't do it. Gotta work to earn enough to feed to hoards, pay the cable, electricity, buy toilet paper.
You wanna know what I really want? I want to go to Rome. I want to see Saint Peters, I want to check out every statue, painting, frescoe and item of artwork that place has. And I want to go by myself. I want to drink coffee at a little cafe and watch people walking by. I want to sketch and to dream about life and to rest my head and my heart.
Yup...thats the ticket. Thats the therapy I need.
Tell me about Rome. Have you been there? What did you see? If not, what do you think you'd see.