Alas, the Christmas season has arrived. Its been warm and rainy here in Southern Ontario for the last month or so and its been hard to think "Christmasy". In fact, I have ZERO happy spirit this year and will have to fake the entire scene for the benefit of the wee ones (22 and 23 years old). My off spring, such as they are, have always loved Christmas as I have always put so much into it for them. Curses!
I suppose I'll have to buy a tree again, as "whats Christmas without a tree?" And then there is the present shopping, for which I have neither money nor time. Then there is the cooking and the visiting and the fake smiley face and all the lights and music and all the stuff that normmally gets me so pumped. I get it now...all those folks who have traditionally not wanted to do the whole holiday thing were alway such a bummer to me. But this year, I get it!
Personally, I would like to spend a week in a chalet, in front of a fire, sipping expensive drinks and laughing with friends. Better still, I would like to fly to somewhere hot and sunny and sip expensive drinks with friends on the beach.
Ho Hum...guess I'll pull out the twinkly lights now. Toss them around the house and do a bit of much needed vacuuming. Then its off to work at 3pm and home again at 9.
Life goes on.
OKAY....time to fess up! My last 4 posts were a bit of a ruse. I just reread them and decided to come clean. How else are you to believe its the same person doing this blog.
You see,, on October 16th, at 2pm, my beloved best friend had to be allowed to die on the operating table at the vets. After a fucking nightmarish day (from 6am till 1:30pm) we found Snuffy to have a mass on his spleen that had just ruptured.
I won't go into details as I can't do that again, but I have been hollowed out, gutted, suctioned of all my joy. My days, afternoons, evenings and weekends make no sense to me any more and I can't seem to find enjoyment in very much.
I know that this is a process and I am improving as I no longer crash into despair as I was doing, but I'm a long way from feeling RIGHT. Maybe I won't ever feel right again! Missing my buddy every minute of every day has this incredibly draining effect on me and I just feel so tired and unhumorless.
See, this is why I don't want to have Christmas forced on me this year.