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Cadw'r Ddysgl yn Wastad
Friday, March 17, 2006
Back with a vengence
Hey there friends! I've been away for so long that I cant quite remember how much fun this used to be for me. The last 7 days have been a hurricane of MOTHER TROUBLE, with repeated trips to emergency and a couple to the Doctors offices. The entire episode was a surreal experience with a master of manipulation, my Mum, and I have had so much garbage to deal with that my mind has been reduced to that of a zombie. As it turns out, there really isn't anything physically wrong with my mother as can be proven by the 15 seperate tests, 5 Doctors, countless nurses, etc who have checked her out for every concievable problem that can be expected to be found in a senior.

Here is the final diagnosis; anxiety.

It seems that when you secretly medicate yourself for years with a drug that is addictive, you refuse to exercise (and this includes simple walking), when you want your children and friends to pay more attention to you because you feel that you deserve it, you can escalate a simple ache into a full-blown anxiety problem that then manifests itself as sickness. In doing so , you actually get all that attention you crave and can manipulate others to do what you want!

Here is a reply to an email that a friend sent me. She wanted to take me out and get me drunk.

From me to my friend Heather
Its a really nice thought but I know that the storm isn't over yet and I will be on call for quite a while yet.
The best thing that came out of all of this is that strangers, people with professional degress and years of experience, have now told my mother-the evil witch-exactly whats up and now she knows that I know and can't pretend she's well-balanced and that its okay to continue to treat me the way she has and to expect this fucking lifestyle of manipulation to continue.

Lord knows she will try, even as I was driving her home from the hospital she tried to convince me that the doctors dont know things and only she has all the answers to her problem (which in her mind are physical not MENTAL) and expected me to agree with her.

Bottom line.....my mother is a manipulative, controlling, selfish old woman who has never had anyone elses interests at heart, unless they coincide with interests of her own. She is unevolved, self-pitying and destructive and wishes things to stay exactly as they have always been so that she can continue to puppeteer her way through life, demanding attention from people, sympathy when she wants it, guilt when she feels it will further her cause which is HER. She really BELIEVES her own fabrications! Thats the weirdest thing and the thing that keeps on baffling me. Its like dealing with an alien. I dont speak her language.

You are a good friend. I will soon ask for your loving attention but right now I want to dig a big hole and jump in, cover myself with dirt and hide for a week. I am so exhausted and to top everything else off, we will owe money on taxes which means no holiday again this year.

I'll talk to you soon