There simply are NO cute spiders. I am terrified of the creepy, hairy things. As soon as the Mole left for Big Hole Cave, I ran a hot bath to prepare to go to work. A good soak, wash my hair and away I go. Seemes simple enough, right?

The mosquito I stunned yesterday, was sitting quietly beside the tap and I felt badly for having traumatized it, so I left him alone. Leave me alone and its all good. I'm laying back, staring at the ceiling, which needs another coat of paint, and THERE...

Way to f--k up my bath time bliss, man. I sit up and begin to shout at it, the Mole gone, baby Mole sleeping, I am alone with an arachnid. It ignores me (don't spiders have ears?), and continues on its merry way down the wall toward me. I'm utterly freaked out by now, and I don't react well when naked and under pressure, so I start splashing water up at it.

Mr. Ugly Ass, gets stopped by the sudden rainfall and decides to turn back toward the ceiling where the weather is more pleasant. I settle back into the tub, check on the mosquito who is still immobile, and "keep 6" on Mr. Ugly Ass.

All is going quite swimmingly AND THEN...Ugly Ass bungee jumps! He does this scarey, leepy thing and stops 10 inches from my head. I"M FREAKIN' TRAPPED. If I try to get up, he'll land on my head! If I flick water at him, the weight of the H2O will, no doubt drag him further downward......OH MY GOD!!!!

Covered in goose bumps, soap, and shaking like a jelly mold, I wait. Its like one of those awful suspense movies. I can't stand to look at him, but I can't look away cuz he might let more line go and attempt a landing! FUCK!

It felt like hours, but the water was still hot so it had to be minutes, but he ascends! Guess he just wanted to see me naked, huh?

I waited, unmoving, until he was back in place at the ceiling and then quickly, while watching the little bastard, finished up and lept out of my beloved tub.

I'd kill the little shit if I had any balls, but I don't. He has until the Mole returns and if he has any sense at all, he'll swoop down again when I'm gone, eat the mosquito and get the hell out of my bathroom.

PS..I tried to find a "cute spider" clip art, but THERE ARE NO CUTE SPIDERS!